While I am a firm believer of the idea that “sharing is caring,” I cannot stand it when people take advantage of my generosity. I tend to offer other students a pen when they forget to bring theirs to class, but when I realize that they fail to return the object of my kind gesture, I become very aggravated. Each month I make extra trips to CVS to restock my pens - which I know will eventually end up in the book-bags of several SMU students.
In my residence hall, my next-door neighbor tends to think that what’s mine is also hers. I will literally see her walking around campus clothed in my attire. It’s not even so much the fact that she doesn’t ask to borrow my things that bothers me, but the fact that she completely fails to return my belongings that irritates me. Because she uses my things without asking, I can only wonder what is missing from my closet and drawers. This neighbor is a dear friend of mine, so any sort of intervention to collect my belongings is not an option. While I have the patience to wait until the end of the semester to get my belongings back, I just wish that people were more conscientious of how their failure to return other’s items is not only a nuisance but also a form of disrespect.
I completely agree. I am pretty generous myself, but if in the past the person has not returned what they borrowed, I have and will say no when they ask for something else. It's common courtesy to ask before borrowing something. And, it's just rude if you don't return the item. My roommate usually returns what she borrows, but it really makes me mad when I see her using something and I know it's mine. I mean I do understand her thinking she can borrow something because she is my roommate, I just wish she'd ask every once and awhile. I think a lot of us need to think about manners, especially with towards roommates, more often.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. While I think my roommate is a good guy, he constantly gets on my nerves. Since my roommate and I live together, sharing other things seems to make sense. He does ask me when he borrows things, such as clothing, but he never puts anything back. He will borrow a shirt when he goes out, and when he is done wearing it he simply throws it on the floor. I end up doing lots of extra laundry, because he doesn’t have the courtesy to wash it. Unlike your neighbor he returns my stuff, but it is often stained with beer and food. I recently told him how mad it made me, and he was cool about it. It’s gotten a lot better. Your best bet is to tell your friend how you feel about not having your stuff. If she is really a friend, she will understand and hopefully things will improve.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone! I have dealt with both situations: the borrowing of pens and other belongings. I learned that I have to ask back for every pen I lend out at the end of the class period, or I will simply never see it again. Also, I have always been generous about sharing clothes with my girlfriends and never understood why some girls were weird about it. However, this was before I had a few bad experiences myself. I was in the same situation where the person would never return anything. No matter how close you are with this girl, I suggest that you don't let her borrow anything until you explain that she needs to return your stuff. Sure things might be awkward at first, but in the long run you will be much happier!
ReplyDeleteGood topic and comment thread. You should listen to the advice of the two who suggested you assert yourself more. A professor at Johns Hopkins U. (P.M. Forni) has written a book on civility. Good manners are all about respecting the rights of others. I was surprised that one of his "25 rules" of civility is "Do not be afraid to assert yourself. If you do not want to accept an invitation or do what someone else wants, it is best to politely say no. Being civil does not mean you have to be a doormat.
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